nat'lee approved.

THIS.

danstone13:

I didn’t feel like mentioning that my stomach was already full — of butterflies.

I’m sorry, but that sentence just makes me laugh. I’m halfway through Twilight, and I’ve come to the conclusion that Stephhenie Meyer must be joking. No one, and I mean no one, could possibly write something this terrible and then seriously publish it. No, I’ve come to the conclusion that she is either a) playing a prank on the world and trying to see what people’s tolerance for stupidity is or b) evil. Since I’m not sure she’s smart enough to be evil, we’ll cycle back to option a.

I was rather amused today to read that Twilight is based in her mind on Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. As P&P is my favorite book ever, I take great offense to this, and I’m sure the horrified Ms. Austen would agree. That would imply that Isabella Swan is equivalent to Elizabeth Bennet, to which I respond, “YEAH RIGHT.” The following quote is one taken from Twilight

:

I had decided to read Wuthering Heights — the novel we were currently studying in English — yet again for the fun of it

Um, okay, look at me, I’m Bella Swan and I like to read for fun. Isn’t that weird? And awesome! I’m so awesome, but in a totally not conforming kind of way. In fact, it reminds me of something Mr. Darcy once said:

“Nothing is more deceitful,” said Darcy, “than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast.”

Take that for what you will. In short, Miss Bennet doesn’t have this thought that she’s better than everyone else (even though she is; she does what she truly enjoys and acts with propriety because its her conviction, not because it makes her brooding and thus cool. Furthermore, not once is she ever dainty. Miss Bennet walks across Hertfordshire all the time to the disdain of one Caroline Bingley, lives on a farm, and knows how to handle herself. If Darcy had ever tried to treat her like a porcelain doll, he would have found himself six feet under the ground in an unmarked grave somewhere in Derbyshire. As compared, Edward Cullen, aka Mr Sparkly, constantly treats Bella like she’s going to break, like she can’t do anything for herself. This is completely not what Pride and Prejudice or Ms Austen would have wanted. The whole point of P&P is getting rid of that stereotype.

So on one hand we have Miss Bennet, who is strong-willed and able to handle herself without having too much of an ego. On the other, Miss Swan, who is brooding and tragically misunderstood but secretly thinks she’s hot stuff, and who is impressed by the fact that some guy doesn’t think she can do anything for herself and proceeds to protect her from danger throughout even her sleep. Bella reminds me more of Charlotte Lucas, and how convenient, because Mr Sparkly also reminds me of a touched up version of Mr Collins.

Mostly, I make the previous accusation because Mr Collins takes the same attitude towards women. He goes to Longbourn to pick up one of his cousins for a wife; he doesn’t care which, only that they be respectable and able to clean I guess. He ends up with the neighbor, Charlotte Lucas, because he’s really not too picky. Now, I’m not so far into Twilight but Mr Sparkly, despite his express belief that he cares so much about Bella, does nothing but give her orders and save her from everything she can’t handle. I admit, it’s a stretch, but I think the idea of Mr Collins as a vampire is hilarious and am sticking with it. Also, Charlotte Lucas’s “I have to marry somebody or I’ll be a spinster” sounds rather like Bella anyway. Finally, there was character development in Pride and Prejudice, something notably absent in Twilight. Bella meets Mr Sparkly. He’s super angry, but it turns out it’s just because he wants her so much. Is that agreeable to you, Bella? Great, let’s be in love shall we? Excellent. Btw, I’m a vampire. Oh, it’s np I have such a low self-opinion that as long as you’re breathing I’ll take anything. Well, about that, I don’t breathe. Hmm, whatever, you’ve got a six pack.

In contrast, Darcy and Elizabeth can’t stand each other at first. There is an amazing amount of development which takes them from loathing to love. It all boils down to misperceptions and overcoming pride, and how passing judgment on somebody without all the facts can be dangerous and blind you to someone who you could really love. If Twilight were that deep, it would be a hundred pages less of clothing descriptions and there would be some kind of variation in sentence structure other that “I am —————. It was —————. He did ————-. Sparkle.”

In short, anyone who compares Pride and Prejudice and The-Book-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named needs to reexamine their entire philosophy on life.